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Capitalistic Cows [ English version ]


Maniakos

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Δημοσ.

TRADITIONAL capitalism:

The boss has two cows. He sells one and buys a bull. The herd multiplies, so

he sells them, sacks the workforce, and retires on the income.

 

ENRON capitalism:

 

The boss has two cows. He sells three to his publicly listed company, using

letters of credit opened by his brother-in-law at the bank, then executes a

debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so he gets all four cows

back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a

Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells

the rights to all seven cows back to the listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one

more. The boss sells one cow to buy a new president of the United States,

leaving him with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public buys his bull.

 

A US company

 

They have two cows. They sell one, and force the other to produce the milk

of four. They are surprised when the cow drops dead.

 

A FRENCH company

 

They have two cows. The workers go on strike because they want three cows.

 

An AUSTRALIAN company

 

They have two cows, News Corp buys them for an inflated price. They eat

clover for months and produce nothing. Rupert gets pissed off at another of

his children.

 

A JAPANESE company

 

They have two cows. They redesign them so the cows are one-tenth the size

and produce 20 times the milk. Then they create cartoon images called

Cowkimon, and market them worldwide.

 

A GERMAN company

 

They have two cows. They re-engineer them so the cows live for 100 years,

eat once a month, and milk themselves. They catch one cow eating forbidden

grass, and shoot them all.

 

A BRITISH company

 

They have two cows. Both are mad.

 

AN ITALIAN company

 

They have two cows, but they don't know where they are. They break for

lunch.

 

A RUSSIAN company

 

They have two cows. They count them and learn they have five cows. They

count again and find 42 cows. They count again and discover they have 12

cows. They stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

 

A SWISS company

 

They have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to them. They charge for storing

them.

 

A HINDU company

 

They have two cows. They worship them.

 

A CHINESE company

 

They have two cows and 200 people milking them. They claim full employment,

high bovine productivity, and arrest the journalist who reported the

numbers.

 

AN ISRAELI company

 

So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory and an

ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to

Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

 

A NEW ZEALAND company

 

They have two cows. That one on the left looks kind of cute.

 

A VIET company

 

They have two cows. They lodge an application for the rights to keep them

for milking and to sell the milk. But they're waiting for the outcome from

the People's Committee to be able to rent out the cows to the

foreign-invested milk factory. Meanwhile, they rent out the cows to their

countrymen. The cows are awarded the title "chien si thi dua'' (role model)

for productivity and invited to the meeting of Excellent Workers of the

District.

 

An IRISH company

 

They have four green cows. They fight each other or them, and the Brits come

across the sea and steal the cows. The Irish write a song about it, which

they're still singing eight centuries later.

 

ISLE OF WIGHT company

 

They have one Cowes.

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<small>[ 28-03-2002, 20:49: Το μήνυμα επεξεργάστηκε από: flashfix ]</small>

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Δημοσ.

Mporei kai na einai:

 

A Greek company

 

They have to supply milk in two years time. They buy the cows one month before the expiration of the contract. When they find out that the cows are in fact bulls, they blame the government

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