Για τους fan του Chuck Norris

stranger_77x · 12 Ιανουαρίου 2006

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he

gets the pleasure.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never

cried.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not

because he is gay, but because he has run out of

women.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper

clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard

that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in

time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying

over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down

until he gets the

information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always

says, "Two seconds

till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he

roundhouse kicks you in the

face.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck

Norris.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck

Norris instead decided

to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly

thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video

game, but was

removed by Beta Testers because every button caused

him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this

"glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse

kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged

good looks and

unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the

transaction was

finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the

face and took his soul

back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay

mad and admitted he

should have seen it coming. They now play poker every

second Wednesday of the month.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck

Norris brought a

stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a

prolonged beard rub.

Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and

a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked

the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once

more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh

away.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood

a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck

wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE

PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat.

Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he

bellowed, "Don't f*ck with Chuck!" Two years and five

months later he realized the irony of this statement

and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile

radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in

time to stop the JFK

assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three

bullets with his beard,

deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer

amazement.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are

hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby

Jesus the gift of

"beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The

other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift

favoritism, used their combined influence to have

Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three

died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer.

Chuck Norris smoked 15

cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7

different kinds of

cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for

30 minutes. Beat that,

Lance Armstrong.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met

Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to

people anyway.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is

only another fist.

Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field

goal of a high school

football game. When the football went flat, he

persuaded the referees to

let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child.

Chuck roundhoused

kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then

proceeded to bang

every girl in the stadium.

The original theme song to the Transformers was

actually "Chuck

Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot

in disguise," and

starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended

the earth from

drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a

pick-up. This was far too

much awesome for a single show, however, so it was

divided.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and

Order are trademarked names for his left and right

legs.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does

not die from cholera

or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face.

He also requires no

wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo

meat on his back. He

always makes it to Oregon before you.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a

fight to a pirate,

but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to

lure more pirates to

him. Pirates never were very smart.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine

as a canned beverage.

We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all

shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn't, he

replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and

roundhouse kicked him in the face.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors

beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time?

Answer: Chuck Norris.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you

can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away

from death.

On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over.

When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a

situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead

doesn't work, he plays zombie.

Although it is not common knowledge, there are

actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the

dark side, and Chuck Norris.

Scientists used to believe that diamond was the

world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck

Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so

hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the

scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.

God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he

swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse

ability.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at

McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked

the store so hard it became a KFC.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

A duck's quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely

responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he

will simply stare at you, grimly.

Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a

game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by

roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face.

Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can

be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just

check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life.

Never.

When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one

thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it

honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five

minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and

when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully

cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife

asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse

kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck

Norris."

Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his

finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of

space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.

Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is

invisibility.

Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and

poos them out transformed into a robot.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time.

It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker

despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of

spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly

'get out of jail free' card.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates

karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris

is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may

be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

Chuck Norris invented water.

Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find

one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure

enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a

bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and

then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris

yelled over the roar of the flames, "always leave

things the way you found em!"

One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris

accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be

familiar with it to this very day by its technical

term: Jupiter.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box

jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous

creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a

human being experiences the following symptoms: fever,

blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans,

and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a

car windshield.

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens

to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the

actual spelling of it.

Before science was invented it was once believed that

autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked

every tree in existence.

In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation,

Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise

warp drive with his roundhouse kicks.

stranger_77x · 12 Ιανουαρίου 2006

se osous aresan mporoun na tsekaroun gia perissotera edw :http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty sto site epeisis exei gia Vin Diesel kai Mr T

kenmitsakos · 21 Μαΐου 2011

ειπα να ανοιξω απο το θεμα με τον chuck norris και να γραφουμε τις ατεκες με τον chuck norris που γνωριζει ο καθενας .

Ξεκειναω :

Ο chuck norris εχει βαλει κουτινες στο windows .

Ο chuck norris ξερει γιατι κλανει το γατι .

Τι κανει ο Chuck Norris πανω σε μια πυργολαμπίδα ; τις αλλαζει τα φωτα .

Ο Chuck Norris ειδε την ταινια 60 minutes μολις σε 10 λεπτα .

Ο Chuck Norris δεν φοραει ρολοι γιατι αυτος αποφαζει την ωρα θα ειναι .

Αν γραφτεται την λεξη Chuck Norris στο scrabble θα νικαται για παντα .

Ο Chuck Norris χρεισιμοποιη και τα 7 γραμματα στο scrabble καθε φορα .

Ο Θεος συνχωρει ο Chuck Norris ποτε !

Ο Chuck Norris εχει φτειξει κυκλο μονο με 300 μοιρες .

και ερχονται και αλλα !

MiDi_MiLiZ · 21 Μαΐου 2011

Moνο εγω βρισκω αυτη τη φαση με τον Τσακ Νορις προβλεψιμη, πεζη και βαρετη? Τελειως Αμερικανιες.

Τα ανεκδοτα με την Αννουλα πιο ενδιαφεροντα ειναι.

Οσο για το παρον thread, καλυτερα να ποσταρες εδω που υπαρχουν ηδη πολλα

http://www.insomnia.gr/topic/633-%CE%B1%CE%BD%CE%AD%CE%BA%CE%B4%CE%BF%CF%84%CE%B1-%CE%AD%CE%BD%CE%B1%CF%82-%CF%84%CF%8D%CF%80%CE%BF%CF%82-%CF%80%CE%B1%CE%AF%CF%81%CE%BD%CE%B5%CE%B9-%CE%BA%CE%AC%CE%B8%CE%B5-%CF%80%CF%81%CF%89%CE%AF-%CF%84%CE%BF-%CE%BB%CE%B5%CF%89%CF%86%CE%BF%CF%81/page__st__7220

g_alkis · 21 Μαΐου 2011

Moνο εγω βρισκω αυτη τη φαση με τον Τσακ Νορις προβλεψιμη, πεζη και βαρετη? Τελειως Αμερικανιες.

Τα ανεκδοτα με την Αννουλα πιο ενδιαφεροντα ειναι.

Οσο για το παρον thread, καλυτερα να ποσταρες εδω που υπαρχουν ηδη πολλα

http://www.insomnia.gr/topic/633-%CE%B1%CE%BD%CE%AD%CE%BA%CE%B4%CE%BF%CF%84%CE%B1-%CE%AD%CE%BD%CE%B1%CF%82-%CF%84%CF%8D%CF%80%CE%BF%CF%82-%CF%80%CE%B1%CE%AF%CF%81%CE%BD%CE%B5%CE%B9-%CE%BA%CE%AC%CE%B8%CE%B5-%CF%80%CF%81%CF%89%CE%AF-%CF%84%CE%BF-%CE%BB%CE%B5%CF%89%CF%86%CE%BF%CF%81/page__st__7220

Όχι δεν είσαι ο μόνος. Αμερικανοβλακίες